February 4th, 2005

Subject: ... Time: 05:36 pm

Icons about everything!! (good icons too!!) by truelove Name Word that best describes you sexyshylovelymysteriousum..poopquirkyperv Icon that describes you Icon that describes your life Icon that reminds you of someone you love Icon that reminds you of someone you hate The one you will marry The one you want to marry Quiz created with MemeGen!

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February 3rd, 2005

Current Music: just my dad screaming at me for something i didn't do Time: 06:28 pm Current Mood: irritated

aHhHhHh!! my dad is fucking driving me CRAZY! i HAVE to get out of this house! i can't wait `till february 26th (don't ask if you don't know what that is) He's telling me IM changing, and he doesnt even know who i fucking am anymore! yeah maybe thats cuz the last time he EVER did fuckin anything with me waz like 6th fuckin grade. So yeah obviously i'm gonna be different from then. I swear the only fucking thing he cares about is his fucking RC cars, the computer, and money. If i told him i waz gonna go hang myself outside he would say "can you wait `till i get back from the track" (it's some gay-ass race car track for the little stupid shitty gas powered RC cars. He doesn't give a fuck about ANYTHING i do, and i think it would make his life just oh-so much easier if i just wazn't here. Everytimei ask him to do ANYTHING for me, he VOLUNTEERS maria for it, or preetymuch teels me to leave him alone, and he has more importantthings to do then to deal with HIS DAUGHTERS problems. I can't fuckin take this shit ANYMORE! I don't think i can wait `till the end of february to get of here. But i'm gonna have to. I hate this. How could my mom leave me here, with these people...i just don't understand it....The only time i am ever happy is when i'm not home. I wish i could just go back to likewhen i waz 6 years old. Because when i turned 7 thens when everything got fucked up. Before that "thing" happened with my cousin, before my mom left, back when i knew cory, and he waz liek my BEST FRIEND, back when eveything waz perfect, and we were all one BIG happy family... w/e i g2g... -allyson-

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February 2nd, 2005

Current Music: letme love you, mario Subject: .......... Time: 05:16 pm Current Mood: stressed

Everything in my life Is tearin me apart, I dont kno where 2 start. Problems with my family, Problems with my friends, Problems with myself. My parents dont get along And I doubt they eva will.. My brother doesnt help, My dad drives me crazy, Along w/every1 else. He doesnt understand me, But then again who does? He doesnt care wen i suffer. He doesnt c my pain. He doesnt realize all the emotions That he causes me 2 have. Hes leadin me 2 have issues n struggles w/myself. So much that it scares me I cant understand myself.. My thoughts n emotions, Frighten me so much.. I never would have imagined, That I could think such thoughts. I shock myself at what I do n how little I regret it, I dont kno wats happening 2 me, But I kno it isnt good. I cannot keep livin this lie, It is not fair 2 myself, It is not fair 2 those around me. I must make some change in my life, Be4 it can get ne better. Bc if I dont do somethin drastic, Then this new me will worsen. My friends have noticed my change, I know they have. Bc I have changed so much this past year, n Im turnin into somethin i dont wanna be. Ive got 2 do something, be4 I get out of hand. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- I hardly ever see a true reason for life anymore. I know in my mind that there is so much to live for, But I don't feel any reason or purpose for my life. In the place where it matters, in my heart. I am letting life pass me by Because what is the point in trying? I wish someone could help me. I don't know how much longer I can handle Living life this way. It isn't fair, but then again life never is.I don't know how much longer I'll be able to endure All this pain and suffering. Is there no way for me to be happy again??

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January 16th, 2005

Current Music: Only One, Yellowcard Subject: Heyy!!! Time: 12:17 pm Current Mood: silly

OH my GoD! jen is over here and like last night at 3 AM we started to walk to Richie's house. She really wanted to see him so i waz like then lets go. And she waz all but will you get in trouble, and i waz like i dont care as long as you see him. And we got half way there and for some reason we decided to go back. I think it waz for the best because like 5 minutes after we sneaked back in the house my dad woke up. So we went in my room and threw santa till 6, and planned our wedding (sorry richie, i love her more). http://www.ebaumsworld.com/santasling.html ^now you can throw Santa too^ lol yeahh..so then i finally like passed out. and we just woke up. we had so much fun though. So many insiderz. *eating hot chocolate and chocolate cake in the bathroom, so we wouldn't wake anybody up* *butt* *whooosshhhh pause wooossshhh pausee* *give me head* *bad woaardd* ...and so many more And yesterday i went to Teenas with Felicia. That waz so much fun to. *round metal, circle, triangle, square* *odor of the body* *his BROTHER came* *bi polar...* *1-14-o4* *she has to hold herself down when she walks so she doesn't fly away* ...and so many more!! yeahh, and i have nothing else to write so imma go now (me and jen might venture back to richies l8er) Toodles -Allyson-

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January 14th, 2005

Current Music: Last Resort, Papa Roach Time: 03:39 pm Current Mood: cold

Today waz pretty boring...except for in lunch and band. In lunch Me, Sarah, Agnieszka, And Caitlin were in the bathroom and i waz fixing my hair and they all started looking through my purse. So they took out my nail polish and started painting there nails. And for some reason Sarah had to put it on her nose and it got in her eye so she started screaming "oowww it burns!!" so then agnieskza fell on the floor cuz we were laughing so hard, and then somebody walked in and hit agnieszka with the door. It waz so funny! Then in band well first Mr. Venable had to move my seat (and teena waz laughing cuz i wazn't next to Nick anymore..lol) And where i waz sitting the light waz in my eyes so i moved my stand up all the way and then Zach had to be an ass and he kept pushing it down. And i dont know why but i told Mr. Veneble i liked his tie and leesa waz laughing so hard she couldn't breath...i didn't think it waz that funny...i dunno, shes weird...lol. Then after band we were all waiting for the bell to ring and Teena had to ask Nick out for me. So i kept trying to get her not to. And so i grabbed her bookbag and i didn't notice Leesa. and i looked over and leesa waz tlaking to nick, so i ran over to Leesa and i screamed no leave him alone. Lol and they kept running over and asking him and telling him all these weird things. Leesa told me he got all red and said "i don't know"...i'm not surprised, thats all guyz say. Like you ask them a question and the answer is ALWAYZ i dunno. lol And i don't think anything else worth saying happened today, except i might be going over Teenas later. So Leave Me The Comments xO -allyson- Ox

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January 13th, 2005

Current Music: drop it like it's hoTT! Time: 04:52 pm Current Mood: hyper

You scored as Ghetto gangsta. </td> Ghetto gangsta 75% Prep/Jock/Cheerleader 75% Punk/Rebel 56% Stoner 38% Goth 38% Loner 25% Drama nerd 13% Geek 13% What's Your High School Stereotype? created with QuizFarm.com ^hELLZ yEAH bIATCH!!!^ lol.."ghetto, gangsta" thats so me...lol

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January 11th, 2005

Current Music: Cold, Crossfade Time: 03:14 pm Current Mood: sick

JEN YOU SUCK! it's all your fault! lol all day people were throwing pennies at me and seeing if i would pick them up! i got pennies thrown at me like 5 timez...and i only picked them up once...lol...but i'm only half jewish! haha thats why i only picked them up once...lol uhm...for once there is nothing for me to write in here,a nd i havea headach so imma go lay down or something i hope we have like a 2 hour delay or no school tommorrow!!! xOxOxOxOx -allyson-

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January 10th, 2005

Current Music: boulevard of broken dreams, greenday Time: 09:37 pm Current Mood: stressed

...well...i just got off the phone with my mom..uGhHhHh...when she first left and all (back in june) i waz like upset and all, but everything got better. My dad actully waz paying attention to me for once, and actully taking a part in my life. I waz like really happy for a while. But now things are getting really bad. And it seems like anything i do won't help. My dad is to upset about everything to give a shit about anything i do. My mom tried to be a part in my life still, but it's hard for me to just come out and tell her things like i used to. The other day i walked into my dads room and he waz sitting on his bed crying. It waz like really scary because my dad like never cries. When i waz talking to my mom today she waz like i wish this hole thing never happened. And i kept thinking like then why did you have to leave, why did you have to ruin my life...Everything waz perfect untill you left, and then you just fucked it up. But i can't tell her that. And this hole pregnancy Test thing is really bohering me. Like would my mom actully ever cheat on my dad, and then be stupied anough to take a pregnancy test and send it to the house? I dunno....I don't wanna ask anybody though, but it's like i do have the right to know. I wanna go back to last year and stay there forever because just when i think things can't get any worse they alwayz do. aHhHh! I really can't take all this stress anymore. I need to talk to someone about it and i dont wanna bother my friends with it because i know they have enough problems of there own to deal with, i can't talk to any of my family about it cuz none of them care about anything that has to do with me. Like if i were to actully kill myself (not saying i would because i wouldn't ever do something like that!!)i don't think half of my family would even notice. Liek my dad would, so would my mom and Maria, but thats really it. The only thing that actully keeps me alive is my friends. Without them i don't know what i would do. Whenever i'm feeling like shit there alwayz the first ones to call and be like "omg whats wrong are you okay" and they alwayz know how to make me feel like 100% better...you guyz have no idea how much all of you mean to me! i love you all so much!!! Anywayz...imma stop rambling on now and theres nothing else to say now so i shall talk to you all tomorrow Buh Byeez xO-allysOn-Ox

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Current Music: Timberwolves At New Jersey, Taking Back Sunday Time: 04:52 pm Current Mood: hyper

AHHH!!! I have so many mixed feelings about him! (Greg). Like i'll be looking at him, and i'll be like god i hate him, and then like 5 minutes later i will be looking at him and i'll be like god i still wish i was with him. He fucking is going around saying he never liked me but thats a bunch of bull shit i know he did. Oh and he thinks Hope is gonna go out with him! Ha! I don't think she even wants to be his friend! Today waz so much fun though. Well first i came into achool at 9:00 and me and my mom had a meeting with mrs Wahlen. That sucked, but i didn't expect it to be any fun. lol. Then i came into science and Richie threw pennies at me and said you forgot your pennies at my house you jew. Lol i couldn't stop laughing. Cuz i waz at his house with jen on Sunday, and i found a penny on the floor and i go "look at penny" and jen goes "you stupid jew" lol. Then in band me and richie were talking and we got in trouble and had to put our instruments away. For some reason Nick told Richie that hehadn't ever kissed anyone before, and i waz thinking to myself "well i have to change that". Lol but i didn't say anything. I wish i did. You alwayz think of the best things to say after it's to late. :-( lol Everyone is trying to hook me up with him. ALL GUYZ ARE THE SAME! When you ask them a question all they say is "I DUNNO I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT!!" lol. Teena asked Nick if he liked me and he goes I told you i dont know. I will think about it! lol But i think Richie asked him and he would tell richie the truth so I shall ask richie later. lol...I mean i don't think he likes me, but ya never know... Hmm...i don't think there is anything else to write hurr so i shall be going now. Much Love -allyson- Oh and P.S--GREG IS A RUGMUNCHING CUNT FACED COCK MASTER!! (said by Richie) lol

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January 9th, 2005

Current Music: Wait and Bleed, Slipknot Subject: Hey, Time: 08:24 am Current Mood: *yawn*

Okay..Well..Hmm, where to start...Well Greg broke up with me on Thursday, and i waz like really really upset. What happened waz I waz really upsset on Thursday because everything waz going wrong, and I waz just having a really bad day. All i really wanted waz for Greg to call me and be like "Whats wrong, are you okay??" ...He didn't. So Jen IMed him and waz like why didn't you call her, and she said a bunch of other stuff and waz just trying to make him feel REALLY BAD. So then out of nowhere he goes "well don't tell Allyson, but i'm going to break up with her tomorrow." So Jen IMes me and shes like break up with him now! and she showed me the convo. they were having. So i IMed him and i waz like Jen showed me everything, and then I waz like "what did I do?" and he goes "I dunno i just don't like you anymore" How the fuck do you just not like someone anymore!!?!?...I had to of done something. Anywayz i waz like really really upset. Like seriously I thought my only reason for living waz him, and when he broke up with me i thought I had no reason for living anymore. But, I think i'm pretty much over him. Except for when like i see him at school I'll think to myself I wish we were still together and shit like that but besides that i'm okay now. Oh my God! and at the Boys Modified game on Friday Me, Teena, Sarah, And Pam went. We had so much fun. We kept trying to distract the other team to we were all like "Hey (and what ever number they were)" and then there waz this really hott guy and Teena wanted to know his name. So we got Cassandra to ask around. She found out that his name waz Ryan and he waz taken. So that waz pretty depressing. lol. Oh and everyone thinks Me and Nick would make a good couple. So Sarah kept screaming out during the game "ALLYSON LOVES YOU NICK!!" I kept hitting her and saying no i don't. It waz so funny though. I don't know why they think we would make a good couple. Teena said it's cuz we're alwayz talking and laughing and shit in band. I dunno..w/e. lol. Oh and right before they game i went to Teena's house. (Actully I went there be4 school) But we had so much fun. So i hung out there for a little while untill we went to the game. Then after the game we walked to Megan's house, and then we all went to the mall. Teena, Ashley (teena's sister), Megan, Vincent, and Me. The mall waz SO much fun!! Ashley waz supposed to be meeting this guy there. His name waz Dustin. We were oping he waz like ReAlLy HoTT! So we were waiting were we were supposed to meet him and every hoTT guy that walked by we would be like Dustin?? and then this one guy waved to us...and he waz like REALLY REALLY hott. lol so we were like Yes Is your name Dustin? and he goes no and walkes away!! So then this REALLY REALLY UGLY guy comes up to us and goes hey i'm dustin. We all almost Puked. I swear To god he waz the ugliest guy EVER, and he waz really weird to!! He told us he brought a friend and we goes wehres your friend, and he goes i don't have any friends. Lol he waz just weird like that. Oh and the reason Thursday waz like such a HORRIBLE day waz because. My dad got this Pregnancy Test in the mail, and he waz like HOLY FUCK BETTY TOOK A PREGNANCY TEST!! and i didn't ask him if it waz positive or negitive. All i know is that the reason my mom left is because shes cheating on my dad...I mean like how could she do that! uGhHh!! And My brother is getting kicked out of the house because he doesn't have a full time job, and he isn't going to collage. And my brother and my dad are alwayz screaming at eachother about it and there constantly fighting. I don't want my brother to move out!! And My cousin and her son just moved into the house. So now i really get no peace and quiet. The baby is alwayz screaming and Maria is so fucking annoying! I mean sometimes i'm happy shes here, but most of the time i wish she waz gone. Then i over heard MAria, My dad, and shawn talking about Jen and Richie, and that just pissed me off even more. They were over my house that night my cousin waz talking to my dad and she goes "i'm not watching jen and richie anymore" and my dad goes "why" and marias like "they were sitting on eachother, holding hands, and like fucking rubbing eachother" and my dad goes "oh i know, those to are alwayz scheming to get their boyfriends over here, they were over the other night and allyson and greg were like all over eachother" and maria goes "you caught them making out?" and my dad goes "no but they were watching a movie and tey had their hands around eachother and then they went outside and i'm sure they did more then hold hands out there" and maria goes "oh...well greg and ricie aren't coming over here while i'm here cuz i'm not gonna be responsible if they are having sex" (that waz before they all knew Greg had broken up with me...) So i told Richie and Jen adn we were like WTF! How doe holdin hands turn into LETS GO HAVE SEX! It jsut fucking pissed me off!! So then Greg breaking up with me just made my day even worse, When i didn't think it could get any worse. Dayumm I wrote a lot...I still have 1 more thing to write though..lol Jen--Thank you so much! You really are the best friend i could ever have. I can't thank you enough! You've alwayz been here for me! Your house is like my home away from home. I know i can alwayz come over there when i'm upset, and you alwayz know how to make me feel 100% better!! I love you so fucking much! i don't know what i would do w/o you!! Teena-- Thank you to. On Friday you have no idea how upset, and angry i waz. And by me coming over made me feel ike so much better. You alwayz know how to make me feel so much better to. Noone could ever replace you!! I love you so much! ^you 2 are really the best friends in the world! i couldn't ask for any better friends because there is no such thing!^ Okay...I actully have like nothing elseto write now, so i am finally gonna go...lol Much Love -Allyson-

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January 8th, 2005

Time: 02:25 pm

Hey Everybody!! This is my new LJ i decided to make a new one because i didn't like my old username...lol Anywayz add me to your friends! Much Love -Allyson-

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